Not crying wolf

It was tough to leave our New Jersey newlywed nest and come back to an apartment that needed move-out cleaning and a sublet (without air conditioning) with a single bed in Connecticut. The transition was made easier by a night out with Sean and Myra to see the latest Pirates movie, aye. I don't want to ruin anything, but there's a scene after the credits that prompted me to lean over to Sean and comment, "Maybe we'll be that lucky."

I can't help but wonder, in a hypothetical way, if I am, at this moment, already pregnant. But Sean will tell you that my instincts in this area can't really be trusted, as I kind of always think I'm pregnant. Like, if I'm a little nauseous or unusually hungry. It's always just PMS. I'll just trust that the real thing will be unmistakable, at least eventually. Ha.

Anyway, I'm not ready. I didn't think I'd do this, but I've sort of procrastinated on the baby-prep. I haven't done the kidney function test or gotten off the triptans, although I've cut down on those significantly. Moving has been a bit all-consuming--I'm hoping that even though I'll be busy now, it'll be a consistent busy, easier for making doctor appointments.

If you'll excuse me, I am unusually hungry.

Exhaling

There's a lot yet to be unpacked, but we've managed to hide it all away well enough to host our first guests -- my brother and sis-in-law, currently stuck in holiday weekend traffic. It's a good bit smaller than we had in Texas (obviously), but much bigger than our most recent apartments. And it's ours -- all ours.

We're willing to share it, don't get me wrong. It's possible one or two of us may have already started plotting out the logistics of a crib, even. As of today, though, we're pretty much newlyweds and it rocks.

Breaking radio silence...

In case you've been pining, just thought I'd drop a little note about where we've been. I've taken a couple days off from the Month of Many Moves to spend a little relaxing time at the office, while Annie continues her leisurely vacation folding and packing boxes in Connecticut. So refreshed we shall be when our paths re-converge this weekend.

Our doctor suggested living in the same state might improve our chances of conception.

Soon enough we'll be all settled in and back on the baby train. Which, I imagine is very cute, but just kind of rocks forward and back on the tracks, still trying to figure out the whole locomotion thing.

EDIT: I just realized this leaves the impression that our Wiederverinigung is imminent, when in fact we're just making the preparations for that to come at the end of the summer, after Annie has conquered the Greek.

William wants a doll

I'm intimidated at the thought of raising a boy. I'm an only child--my main frame of reference/resource for child-rearing is Free to Be, You and Me. Which is great, and it did great things for me, but I'm not sure "William wants a doll" and "It's alright to cry" are going to balance against the messages the world sends boys.

I'm not saying the world doesn't send mixed up messages to girls. I'm just personally familiar with many of those messages.

If you had told me when I was a young feminist (0-18 yrs old) that patriarchal society has just as much of a negative impact on men as it does on women, I would have been deeply offended. This is corny, but in a college journalism course we watched a video called "The Tough Guise" about the dangerous myth of masculinity and its impact on men and boys ... and it opened my eyes. And freaked me out on a whole new level at the hypothetical thought of raising a boy--I'd always imagined having a girl, but this video only heightened that aspiration.

All of this came out in a less-than-graceful way over lunchtime chatting at the refectory last week. A friend asked if we want a boy or a girl, and I responded: "We're planning on a boy, but we're hoping for a girl." Another friend called me out on this and another friend assured me that it's OK to hope for a girl baby, knowing that Sean and I are going to love our baby. Period.

So here I am, a slightly more mature feminist who really does believe that Free to Be stuff. I don't want to turn around and dump a bunch of my own sex/gender issues on my child. I want to go into this mysterious process with an open mind and an open heart (wait a second ...) and really be ready with the love, no qualifications. Frankly, I should be intimidated no matter what.

So when I imagine hypothetical future baby these days, I often imagine a boy. He has a name, which I've promised Sean I will not disclose, but the name does help me imagine the kid. It's exciting. Here's the thing ...

Is it OK if I'm still kinda hoping for a girl? I'm genuinely asking ... as a fine YDS graduate once said in a sermon, "I'm not allergic to your Amens" ... or in this case, comments.

Second thoughts

(How's that for a sensational title?)

So, I may have been a bit hasty in promising Lisa Marie a comprehensive list of our potential baby names. The thing is, her very fair request coincidentally managed to pit the first two cardinal rules of baby blogging -- (1)full, graphic, obscene disclosure and (2)baby-name paranoia -- against each other. And, like the climax of every great Isaac Asimov story, Annie and I have been crippled with indecision, cycling through the possibilities, trying to resolve the inherent conflict.

Not to mix metaphors, but Annie "phoned a friend" or two and, with their council, we're leaning toward a decision. First, there's the whole issue of counting all your chicks in one handbasket. But more importantly, as our friends pointed out, this is the INTERNET and there are THIEVES. A sentiment which is surprisingly dear to my heart, as Annie can attest. So, for the time being, we won't be releasing our choices, not even under a Creative Commons license.

I will, however, share a theory on naming that Annie introduced me to when we first started flirting (with this idea of procreation): there is a subliminal, quasi-mystical importance to the acronym created by a child's initials. She learned it from her mom, a SEE. You can see how such a theory might appeal to an ACE, and I must admit it seems to really have worked out for her. As an SBE (née SBA) I really have no experience to draw on. It's very fun at least, and adds another level of intrigue to the baby naming process. How cool would it be to have not just a great name, but also a kickass monogram? And if they were tied together in meaning or form, all the cooler.

So, names that can almost certainly be ruled out:

Petrarch Engelberto Edison-Albright
Leroy Ignatius Edison-Albright
Alia Pomegranite Edison-Albright

Otherwise, we are open to suggestions.

A nod's as good as a wink...

As I recall, one of the thoughts that lead to the naming of the blog, was the concern that we not duplicate another baby blog already out there. After all, it's not "like we invented it."

What sold me on the name was the idea that we might feel just that - like we invented it - upon our first look at our child.

And while this is, technically, yet another meta post, I think it's actually fitting and appropriate that a baby blog might enjoy a discussion on naming. I know Annie and I have spent quite a lot of nights musing on the topic already.

Say no more.

One small step for Anne ...

I'm not sure how to write this post without getting all gross and graphic ... yeah, not sure it's even possible. I refer you first to this excellent wikipedia article on endometriosis -- it's a good, squeamish read on quite a common thing very few people talk about. I was 12 ("my mother slapped me, my father went out for a bottle of Sangria ... We all wanted it to come!") I'd had my period for about a year and was exhibiting a lot of the classic endometriosis symptoms: long, heavy periods; debilitating cramps; gastrointestinal problems; fatigue and bleeding between periods. There was no way they were going to laparoscopy (although they did do a CT scan and found some little cysts, which is really neither here nor there for endometriosis diagnosis, but sucked, I mean ... 12 years old ...welcome to womanhood.) My gynecologist reasoned that I had enough scar tissue already: they would just start me on birth control and see if that helped.

I know a lot of women have a love-hate relationship with The Pill, but birth control and I have so much history together, I feel I have a word to add on the subject. We tried a bunch of different types, trying to find something where the side effects wouldn't completely negate the benefits. I was on pills that gave me morning sickness, made me lactate, gave me facial hair, made my acne worse, and made it awfully easy to gain weight (and difficult to lose it). It made adolescence just that much more .... more. But birth control also made my periods shorter and more predictable: the cramps and other symptoms were terrible once a month, not all the time. As I got older and we narrowed down the options, the birth control seemed to be doing a better and better job of handling the really bad stuff. When I was giving my medical history to the physician's assistant at the MFM office, I completely forgot to mention endometriosis--it's been that long since I worried about it.

So, tonight I'm not starting another pack of Yazmin ("Yaz! I will pretend I am having a casual conversation while I very quickly list all the side effects of this drug! I didn't go to med school for nothing! Yaz!") and I have, unsurprisingly, mixed feelings. The only time I've been off the pill in recent memory was when a random student health doc at MSU wouldn't refill my prescription because she thought it was irresponsible to give birth control to a woman with chronic migraines. So I had to skip a month before I could go back on (with a scrip from a reasonable doctor) and ... cue the worst migraines of my life, the worst cramps, bleeding all the time ... I couldn't wait to get my normal life back, nicely regulated.

I'm in a different place now: I want to try to have a baby. I worry about scarring, pain, all of that ... but I'm also feeling adventurous. This is totally new territory for me, with potentially life-changing results. Glad I'm not in it alone. =)