Newbie!

So, we've got some news to share!  Many folks already know--our immediate family members, our congregation, our co-workers.  We put off the big Internet reveal until the time felt right, and it feels pretty right right now.  Also, I don't think it would have been a good idea for me to write anymore "I haven't left my bed all day; the dog is worried" posts without some explanation. No, it's not a terrible case of winter-related ennui ... OK, it's not ONLY winter-related ennui.  It's the tail end of the first trimester and the start of the second ... we're having a Newbie!

We found out, officially, about a week before Christmas.  Unofficially, I knew way, way before that.  I was so early in my pregnancy-related suspicions that I rushed the blood test (negative--too early) and a few days later got a positive home test at what might have been the first moment of a discernible trace of hCG. When she called with the results from the follow up bloodwork, Nurse B asked cautiously, "What did you say the date of your last cycle was?" I told her.  "Oh my goodness," she said, relieved. "These numbers are fine.  You're not even four weeks pregnant. Had a hunch, eh?" Eh indeed.

I don't know exactly what it was that prompted our decision to try again.  It was probably a good run of Walter sleeping through the night combined with the romance of late autumn in Wisconsin (when young parents' thoughts are turned to love and whether or not we should buy a snowblower this year ... yes to both, it turns out.)  Why another baby? Why now? Lots of reasons, many of them tough to sort out in my mind. The wonderfulness of Walter was a big contributing factor.  My ever-increasing appreciation of the value of siblings helped, too (a note to Sean's siblings, their spouses, and their children: this is all your fault for being so awesome.)  A clean bill of health and encouragement from all my doctors, including the nephrologist  who looked after me when Walter was born, also aided the cause.

So, we tried, and sooner than we imagined (but not sooner than we'd hoped) we got our Newbie.  I'd been planning to use one of my dad's favorite nicknames for me, Lemur, which is a wonderful nickname but didn't stick.  In the laughter and tear-filled glow of that first night of knowing, Sean and I kept returning to our joy and wonder, to the promise of this new baby.  This Newbie.  So, not the condescending Dr. Cox version from Scrubs ... more like the later version when you realize how much he really cares for J.D.  If Newbie is born already using copious amounts of hair product, we will accept full responsibility.

We're about to start week 16, a week that all the books say might be the week when I stop feeling so awful all the time.  This is about when I started feeling better with Walter (maybe that was closer to week 17) but we shall see. In the midst of all the really unpleasant symptoms of early pregnancy (and I've got them all, once again, because I am an overachiever) we've still had more than our fair share of joy and delight.  I seem to be already aware of Newbie's movements, for one thing, which is way early but within the realm of possible for the second pregnancy.  Amusingly, Dr. M was really skeptical of my flutter-feeling claim, while Nurse B., mom of two, said, "Of course you can feel it! It's your second baby! You know what's going on, now!"

And I do ... Sean and I both do, not entirely, but more than we knew the first time around.  We had some bleeding at twelve weeks, which was terrifying and made our twelve week ultrasound a nervous event indeed, but when we realized it was the same kind of bleeding I had early on with Walter, our alert status went down to a manageable "slightly elevated."  Of course, everything is also completely different this time.  Walter's energy level has not been impacted at all by my first trimester exhaustion.  Hank is like, "Who do I fret over?  The baby?  The new baby?  Mama? Mama."  Sean is amazing, but that is not new, just at a whole new level.    

The best example I can think of to explain the new-but-familiar feeling of this pregnancy is the experience of hearing Newbie's heartbeat at my appointments.  We never got to hear the Bean's heartbeat--our first pregnancy was lost so soon.  Maybe because of that, and maybe because of something inherent to all pregnancies, there is an anxious moment every time the doppler wand comes out.  But then the sound comes, barely audible at first, and then strong as anything.  The sound of a baby's heartbeat is one I was conditioned over 10 months or so to find instantly reassuring ... and it is.  I think about Walter whenever I hear it, and can't believe how far we've come from those first early listenings.  It is also brand new, each time, and thrilling every time I get to hear it. "That's my Newbie!" I think.  And all is well.

Newbie, 12 weeks gestation. Looks like Mama!