Your parents, in love

Dear Walter and Sally,

Happy Valentine's Day!

I want to record the events of this day for you, but not in the way I usually do.  I usually write these accounts focused on the two of you and what you did.  Tonight, I want to write about what Daddy and I did when you were at the babysitter's house.

"Ewwwwwww!" I can hear teenage Walter and Sally say. "GROSS.  Mom ... no .. just ... no."

Ah, my future teenagers. This blog is now, always has been and ever shall be rated "E" for everyone, including members of our congregation, bishops, your future employers, etc.  I'm not going to share intimate details.  But I will say this: intimacy is really important to the health of our marriage.  And so is cooking.

You know that Daddy does pretty much all the actual cooking in our family.  There was a time, though, when Daddy and I did a lot of cooking together.  It's something we love to do, and something we don't get to do very often anymore.

I even put on eye make up.

Tonight we dropped you off at Jordan's house, and instead of going out for dinner, we came home and made dinner together.  I'd picked out a recipe from our beautiful new Jerusalem cookbook, a Christmas gift from Umma and Baba. Cod cakes in tomato sauce ... a little more complicated than our usual meals, but not too complicated that it couldn't be done in two hours. We also made Israeli cous cous with dried cherries and swiss chard.  I got all dressed up in a new dress, nylons and high heels ... and a cute apron for cooking in.  While we cooked we drank ginger ale made with homemade ginger syrup, and snacked on delicious Dried and True beef jerky (made by my cousin Rachel and her husband, Matt.) We listened to Linda Thompson albums, chopping and stirring side by side. I chopped up a chili pepper, forgot to wash my hands, and rubbed my nose ... I do not recommend it. But it was just a temporary set back.  We also ran out of time, but that didn't set us back too badly, either ... sure, we ate quickly, and burned our tongues a bit, but it was delicious, and the time we spent together tonight was, too.

I realized at some point that all the things I'd asked for tonight ... cooking an elaborate meal together from a cookbook, listening to Linda Thompson, even the homemade ginger syrup ... these were all things Daddy and I did when we were newlyweds, living together in a little apartment in New Jersey. That's when we started this blog, that's when we started thinking seriously and even trying to have children ... and then decided to wait for a few years. It was not a very hard decision to make--it made sense, logically--but it was a hard decision to live with.  We were very sad, and the sadness seemed like another person living with us, for awhile. But we were also happy, and we were building the foundation of love, happiness and, yes, intimacy, that made us the Mama and Daddy you know today.

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is, or how to sum it all up in a pithy way. I'm way too full, content, and sleepy to ponder it much longer. It was a good day, and a good date night.  Maybe someday you'll think it's gross, and maybe someday you'll think it's cute, but regardless, it's true: Mama and Dada love each other.

And you two, too, of course.

Love,
Mama

Too young to remember

Dear Walter and Sally,

We had quite an adventure this weekend! It was the 4th of July, but it was also the 40th anniversary celebration of A Prairie Home Companion, a radio show that has been very special to both Mommy and Daddy since we were little kids.  We knew we wanted to get there, if we could, and share it with the two of you.

On Thursday night, after you went to bed, Daddy and I packed and got ready for the trip.  We were pretty tired and wondering what we'd gotten ourselves into.  Traveling isn't easy--there are lots of things to remember, lots of things to figure out and take care of.  We would not have even attempted this particular trip if it weren't for the help we had from our amazing friends. (Friends make life so good, so good indeed.)

We got up early on Friday--got bagels, got breakfast to eat in the car, got everyone in the van and headed to John and Karen's house to drop off Hank. Hank was elated to spend time with John and Karen, their cats, and his best doggie pal, Sammie. From there we turned around and headed north and west.  We took many stops along the way for potty breaks and nursing.  Sally, you did some good sleeping. Walter, you did not, but you were very sweet and managed to have a good day even without a nap.  We did lots of snacking in the car (cheese curds from a dairy store we stopped at on the way ... yum) but held off on lunch until we arrived in St. Paul.

This is how we roll!

After 5 hours of driving we arrived: hungry and a little worse for wear but also very excited and so glad, so relieved to see our dear friends Uncle Ben, Aunt Arden and Greta again!  Walter, you were especially excited to see Greta, who you'd met when she was a little baby, and who is now walking.  Sally, you were excited to get out of your carseat and immediately got to work playing with Greta's toys.  She shared them very graciously with both of you.  We walked from their house to Macalester College, where the anniversary party was well underway.  After a delicious lunch (pasties and tacos from food trucks) we walked around the booths and settled in to play some more at the children's museum area.

The children's museum had set up a fence around a patch of grass and set out large blue foam blocks of various shapes and sizes.  There were colorful plastic balls, too--Sally, you and Greta played with those. Walter, you befriended two seven-year-old boys and engaged in some really fabulous imaginative building with them.  I was very impressed with you for keeping up with the older boys (and very impressed with the older boys for including you so beautifully.)

Soon it was time for the concert--40 Songs, 40 Years.  It was an outdoor concert; we weren't sure how long it was going to be, and we weren't sure how we were going to make it work.  You kids love music, but we weren't sure you'd be able to sit through a whole concert.  Again, our friends made it possible.  Ben and Arden packed an amazing picnic dinner for us, which we enjoyed while we sat on our picnic blanket as the concert got started. We feasted on chicken, hummus, carrots, pita chips, turkey sausage sticks, cheese sticks and graham crackers. As we ate, I sang along a bit with Garrison and his friends--musicians who had been with the show when it first started, and others who became regular favorites along the way.  We got to hear Robin and Linda Williams, Old Crow Medicine Show, Gillian Welch, Jearlyn and Jevetta Steele and Iris Dement. When Garrison joined Robin and Linda Williams to sing "Calling My Children Home" I held dancing Sally in my arms and cried happy tears.

There were a few times when all four of us were on the blanket together, but most of the time Daddy walked with one of you while the other one snuggled on the blanket with me.  Those one-on-one times with each of you were very special for and precious to me.  Sally, you climbed all over me, snacking happily on graham crackers and hummus and charming the bejeebus out of everyone sitting around us.  I sang to you and you smiled and smiled and smiled.  We nursed; we love nursing outside, with the wind in your hair and the warm sun setting all around us, surrounded by music and people and also entirely in our own world, too.

Walter, you spent most of the show walking with Daddy, mostly to check out the super duper fancy porta-potties. They were airconditioned, with wood floors, running water and artwork on the walls.  You and Daddy were both mystified and super impressed and made several trips. That probably would have been your favorite part of the concert ... if it weren't for the Wailin' Jennys.

Three beautiful young women (about my age ... I still call that young) took the stage and giggled with Garrison for awhile. And then they started to sing. Now, everything up to that point had been wonderful, truly.  But something changed when they sang.  They sang without musical accompaniment, they sang in close, perfect harmony.  The harmony hit the air and vibrated and hung there and then spread across the crowd like electricity.  Walter, you'd been snuggling, almost sleeping in my lap.  When they hit their first note, you stood straight up, electrified. You shot up and stood and leaned toward the stage, "What are they singing, Mama?" you asked.  You felt the difference in the air--you knew this was something special.

Kids, you are too young to remember any of this on your own.  That's part of the reason I try to write things down, so we're sure to share our memories of these times and give you a sense of who you were and what your life was like before you started collecting memories. Sometimes it's tempting to use your age as a reason not to do things, especially things that involve 5 hours of car travel! "They won't even remember it," I think to myself sometimes.  But seeing the two of you at this concert, the way you enjoyed yourselves so completely, the way you danced and sang along (even you, Sally) and basked in the glow of the moment and in our collective family happiness ... there is no reason to wait for this until you are older. Sharing the joy of our lives is something Daddy and I can do (and do, do) with you right now. We get to enjoy it with you in the moment, and add those moments to our own collection of memories. And we will help you remember it, for sure.

Right about the time the two of you started getting antsy and sleepy and needing to head out, Garrison announced an intermission.  Intermission!  The show had already gone on for two hours.  We decided to leave while everyone was happy and the leaving was good.   We walked around the booths one more time and did some very joyful dancing.  Sally, you almost levitated with happiness when you saw Walter dancing. The two of you brought so much joy to everyone around us. With the help of a security guard, we took a family picture and headed back to the house.

We stayed overnight at Uncle Ben's parents' house--you both woke up too early! Sally, you and I did some wonderful snuggling, while Walter and Daddy watched videos until it was time to get up, play and eat some delicious breakfast. One of my hopes for the two of you is that you have friends like Ben and Arden, friends

Sally and Greta: Babies who Brunch

who are so dear they are family. We had a wonderful, relaxing morning together. Walter, you did NOT want to leave. You wanted to stay forever. We all agreed with you, but got back on the road anyway and headed home. We stopped for lunch at a truckstop diner called Norske Kitchen which specializes in popovers. It was very yummy. We picked up Hank, who had been very happy where he was but was also happy to see us again (Walter, you said, "My puppy!! There's my puppy coming back to my house!") We ate some dinner and slept well.

This weekend was particularly adventurous, but every day things happen that make me think, "I should write that down, I want to remember that forever."  Sally, you are learning how to throw a ball, and the look on your face when we play catch together is so intensely beautiful I can barely stand it. Walter, you are in love with two songs right now, "Take Up Your Spade" by Sara Watkins and "Let it Go" from the movie Frozen. There's a line in "Let it Go" that you've rewritten ... the original goes "I'm never going back/the past is in the past," but you sing it, very earnestly, "I'm never going back/the past is in the bear!"  I don't know what it means, but it strikes me as very profound. And very funny.
The past is in the bear, kids.  The past is in the bear.

I love you,
Mama

Dear Seven-Month-Old Sally

Dear Sally!

Sleepy, introspective, 7 months old

You are seven months old today. The day started almost exactly the same way your 6 month birthday began: you woke up (too) early, spit up on my bed, played very cheerfully in the guest room while Daddy and Walter slept, got sleepy right as everyone else was waking up, nursed and fell asleep right in time to head to day care.  I dressed you in the same cute birthday outfit you wore a month ago: your red Osh Kosh overalls and red turtleneck, size 9 months.

So, much is the same, but also, so much is different. You are clearly taller than you were a month ago, and you look like you're filling out and gearing up for another growth spurt.  You have two teeth and you are crawling. Much like your brother at this age, you like to pick a goal and crawl toward it at alarming speed. Your goal is very rarely something safe and appropriate, like a family member or a toy.  You prefer goals like electrical chords, buttons and knobs, the dog, the dog's food, etc. This, I believe, is the natural way of baby curiosity. You are almost always on the move, squirming out of our arms and onto your next adventure.

NOW you sleep. Sigh.

I watched you play with the stacking rings this morning. You still explore the world primarily by tasting things, but you also like to put things where they're supposed to go (you like unstacking and stacking the rings, dumping out Walter's dump truck of plastic blocks and then putting the blocks back into the truck, etc.)  You pay very close attention to everything I do, and everything the other people around you are doing (especially your brother.)  You are clearly watching us and learning, learning, learning.

You are getting sleeeeeeeeepy.

What you are not doing very much of is sleeping.  It's been a tough week for Mama and Dada--both you and Walter have had bad sleep problems for about 8 days straight.  We're not sure what's going on with you guys, though of course we have a lot of theories about it. One thing that's been kind of nice is that, even though you've been very wakeful all night, you've been very cheerful about it. It's hard to despair when you smile at me so beautifully, when you giggle and make your throaty growly noise.  You love to say, "Hi, Dada!" to all of us. Dada, in particular, loves it when you say that.

Yum!

You are eating: rice cereal, peas, sweet potato, squash, apple, banana, avocado and beans.  I got you to taste a little bit of raspberry and it was the first time I've seen you make the "ewwwwww" face. For the most part, you are interested in eating and tolerant of all the foods we try with you.  You LOVE eating anything we give you in this neat little mesh pacifier thing that allows you to feed yourself whole pieces of banana, avocado, apple, etc. The apple slice was very satisfying for you to crunch on with your new (and upcoming) teeth. Avocado is your favorite taste, so far. As long as we have your food quickly ready to go and don't make you wait too long, family meal times go well.  You like to watch me get the food ready--this reassures you that food is, in fact, on its way.  You are also nursing with great gusto these days.  I love feeding you in general, and nursing you in particular. You are so snuggly, you are so sweet!

Walter lets you pull his hair. Your brother loves you!

Words I'd use to describe you these days: snuggly, sweet, ferocious, voracious, cheerful, dramatic, focused, brilliant, charismatic, funny and loving.

This month you had your first big illness: a case of RSV that brought with it a persistent fever, a nasty cough and lots and lots of goopiness. It coincided with the arrival of your teeth.  You spent 6 days at home with me, and it was a hard time, but I'm glad I was able to nurse and care for you through it.  You didn't get an ear infection or pink eye or pneumonia or anything else, so we feel like we were lucky and got off relatively easy.  That's the way to do it, Sally!

Giving Umma a passionate kiss

I love to watch your relationships with your family members grow as you grow.  You are very bonded with Umma and Baba, giving them big smiles and loving looks of adoration.  You love your teachers at daycare--they will miss you when you move up to Room 2, soon.  You reach for your Daddy and smile wide to see him. And, of course, you are still my attached-at-the-hip girl ... you and I have a very special bond. You are very curious about Hank the Dog and incredibly gentle with him, always petting him with an open hand and never grabbing or pulling his fur. You grab your big brother's hair, though, and I'm amazed at how well he tolerates it!  I think you get away with a lot with him because he's so fond of you (and because you are clearly so fond of him.)

This morning you fell asleep on my lap after nursing just as Walter was waking up.  He came out to the living room and talked quietly to me for awhile--eventually you heard his voice, blinked, sat up (you can almost sit up on your own, now) and smiled at him.  You love waking up and seeing Walter there, with you.  Your biggest smiles and laughs are always for him. Walter doesn't like having his picture taken, but this morning he asked Dada, "Can you take a camera of us, Daddy?"  He didn't want the flash, so most of the pictures didn't turn out ...

Your brother makes you smile and smile!

too blurry, with Walter moving around, making you smile, and you moving around, smiling and laughing at Walter.  After a bit, Walter asked to climb up on my lap alongside you, and asked Daddy to put the camera away. He wanted to just enjoy being with you.  Daddy looked at the three of us together and said, "Hello, family."  It was one of those moments we don't have any pictures of, but will remember anyway, because we hold it in our hearts. You are always in our hearts, dear Sally!

Love you, and proud to be your
Mama

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Sally Bug!

Dear Sally,

I think you enjoyed your first Christmas day.  It got off to a rough start: you woke up at about 5:30 and nursed well, but then threw up quite a lot of milk.  We got you and me cleaned up, you nursed some more and went back to sleep.  When Walter woke up you started to stir, too, and we all met up down in the kitchen to start making breakfast. Umma and Baba played with you while Walter, Daddy and I made puff pancakes.  I've been making those pancakes for Christmas breakfast since I was 14 years old and brought the recipe home from my jr. high foods class. It was fun to get your brother in on making them this year, and I could imagine you beating the eggs while he mixes the flour in years to come.

No longer safe!

You were interested in the baking, and especially interested in the eating ... you are watching us eat very intently these days!  And drooling! Daddy says you are starring in the movie Drooly and Droolia. That's a really good sign that you are getting ready to eat solid foods, and maybe even starting to get your first teeth.  Walter has been looking forward to getting to feed you your rice cereal, but you (and he) will have to wait a few more months.  In the meantime, we hold you with us at the table and let you watch ... you're getting a little too good at grabbing at things, though! We've almost lost a plate or two already.  When you get bored and frustrated with the table we let you play in the rainforest bouncer.  You are very serious about your playing and do an excellent job exploring all the different moving and sound-making parts. You are starting to do sits ups in it, though, so pretty soon we'll have to get you sitting up with us in the high chair.

After breakfast, you and I sat and nursed by the tree.  You were a little distracted by the beautiful lights, and also by me ... we like to smile at each other a lot, and sometimes that gets in the way of eating. I really enjoyed that quiet moment with you, before the present unwrapping began, just you and me and our little Christmas tree.

You love looking at the tree.

We unwrapped presents next.  You were really interested in the tissue paper from the gift bags and almost got to eat it a couple of times ... you are stronger and more persistent than I'd realized! You got many wonderful gifts, including a Mickey Mouse Club book from Walter (he helped me read it to you a few times that afternoon.)  We put you in your exersaucer and you immediately went for the teething flower, but then you turned your attention to the moving/noise making parts and had them all figured out within minutes.

You took a nice long nap on Umma while Walter, Daddy and I went outside to work off some of our excess energy and cabin fever.  It has been snowy and cold.  We haven't left the house much, which you don't mind as long as we keep you engaged with various activities.

As the day continued you had some bored moments and some colicky moments. Dr. L. says that colic is just you becoming aware of the world and not being entirely pleased with what you find. You had your four month well child check up on Boxing Day and Dr. L. was once again very pleased with you and your progress. Your stats: height: 24.25 inches (50th percentile); weight: 13 lbs, 7 oz (25th percentile); head circumference: 16.63 inches (90th percentile! Dr. L: "Her brain is taking off!")

You love your toes!!

It's taken me a week to write this post; today is your first New Years Day.  New Years and New Years Day tend to be pretty mellow for our little family.  And goopy.  Walter and I are both sick with a bad cold, and he just started antibiotics for an ear infection. He threw up at dinner last night which gave me a serious case of New Years Eve deja vu. You are a little congested, too, which makes you spit up now and then, but you are clearly doing quite well in spite of the spitting.  You are sleeping pretty well: you have taken up long afternoon naps, which makes our nights a little more difficult but I enjoy napping with you very much indeed.  You wake up happy, with big smiles and bright shining eyes. You are alert and very, very busy.  Most of your complaining these days is due to boredom; you approach every task (chewing on a teething frog, the activities in your exersaucer) with great intensity and focus.

Last night Daddy was trying to get your brother to sleep and Baba was trying to keep you entertained. He picked up Walter's toy helicopter--he'd discovered on Christmas day that you are very interested in the helicopter sounds.  He pressed the button to make the sounds and realized it was too loud--it would distract Walter from his bedtime routine.  So, he tried showing you the helicopter without making the sounds.  You reacted like you'd been pinched. HUGE scream, full-body sobs.  We comforted you and you settled down right away, but I have to admit ... it was pretty funny.  You are little, baby Sally, but you have big opinions.

You've got a good grip on me, baby girl.

Today we hung out around the house; you did good playing with Baba and very good napping with me. You grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go, which meant I didn't actually get much sleep, but somehow by the time you woke up I felt rested and better than I have in days.  You have a healing touch, I think.  In the afternoon we made pretzels, inspired by Walter's new favorite book from Christmas, Walter the Baker. They turned out beautifully and I think it'll be a new family tradition.  You watched us eat them with this look on your face like "I can't believe it.  They're eating again. Right in front of me! And they aren't going to give me any!!" Soon, baby, soon.  And, if we make them again next New Year's, you will certainly get a pretzel.

Now you are sleeping--rather lightly--in your bassinet. You are too big for it but we don't have your room and your crib ready, yet. I know it's time, maybe past time, to make that move, but I love having you close by.  You are growing up very fast, Sally Bug. To say "I'm loving every minute of it" sounds cliche and exaggerated.  You spit up right into my ear yesterday. For real. It was disgusting. And yet ... honestly, I do feel like I'm loving every minute, or at least very fully enjoying all the time I get to spend with you. And I love watching you enjoy life more and more, too.  You may be colicky and displeased with the world sometimes, but you are also delighted with the Christmas tree, fascinated by chewing, intrigued by the dog ... and today you laughed for the first time without tickling while you watched your brother dance.

Here's to 2014, Sally Bug!  It'll be a year of many "firsts" for you.  As your awareness grows, may you be increasingly pleased with all you discover!

Love,
Mama

Always Being Made New

Dear Walter and Sally,

Something big happened today.  The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, the denomination I serve as a pastor, elected a woman to be presiding bishop for the first time.

Her name is Elizabeth Eaton, and when she was elected she was serving as bishop of the Northeastern Ohio Synod. I don't know anything about her other than what I saw and read today.  She seems earnest, which I really like, and smart, and passionate about her faith and the life of the church. People who already know her as a leader say she is honest, direct and wise, and that she's weathered many storms already in her time as a synod bishop with grace and compassion and integrity.

We don't know yet what kind of presiding bishop she will be.  So far, she seems kind of nervous and overwhelmed, which is very understandable.

You're probably wondering why this is such a big deal to me.  I hope, anyway, that by the time you two read this the novelty of women reaching the highest leadership positions in the church and elsewhere is thoroughly out-of-date.

Like you, I grew up in a church where women could be ordained and serve as pastors.  The rules changed to allow it in 1970, and I was born in 1981, so I never experienced life as a Lutheran without women pastors.  The congregation I grew up in had several pastors who were women, and they had a profound influence on me and forming my faith and my identity as a Christian.  Of course, the pastors I grew up with who were men did that, too.

But it was a powerful experience for me, growing up in a predominantly Roman Catholic town, to grow up in a church where women could be pastors.  I realized very early on that I had options my Roman Catholic friends who were girls didn't have.  My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted to be, and do anything I set my mind to doing.  I felt like my church affirmed that message, not just for me but for all girls and boys: you are beloved, you are special, you are gifted and called by God ... and whatever it is that God is calling you to do, you can do it.

Of course, it wasn't completely true, back then.  There were still rules and other barriers to people being ordained and being elected to leadership positions. As I've gotten older, the church has gone through some amazing transformations that have made that feeling of being affirmed and empowered in my calling that I had as a little girl an actual reality for more and more people.  In 2009, the ELCA voted to change the rules so that people in same-sex relationships can be ordained. This year, one of my favorite professors, recently ordained, was elected as a synod bishop--the first openly gay person in a committed relationship to be elected as a bishop in the ELCA. And today, the first woman presiding bishop was elected ... and not only that, but of the top four candidates, three were women.  There wasn't just one qualified woman leader to choose, there were many.  

I used to think that I wanted to be the first woman presiding bishop in the ELCA.  The idea of being a history-maker appealed to me.  But this is so much better.  I will be able to tell you, Sally, that just before you were born a new possibility for women in the church was born, too. And Walter and Sally, you will both grow up in a church that allows me to look you in the eyes and say, with total honesty, "You can do anything God is calling you to do."  You may not want to be pastors or bishops, but being gay or straight or a man or a woman isn't automatically going to disqualify you from doing those things.  The door isn't pre-shut.  And that's a pretty exciting, wonderful thing. Something to celebrate!

The theme of the assembly that's going on right now is "Always Being Made New," so I think today and every August 14th we should celebrate Always Being Made New Day.  On that day I think our family should celebrate options and possibilities and potential.  On that day we should also celebrate Umma and Baba's wedding anniversary, because their love is Always Being Made New, too.  And also because they've always encouraged me to dream big, and to look toward the future with hope.

On that day, we should eat cake.  Because cake is delicious and Baba and I really like frosting.

Anyway, in some ways I hope this hoopla seems a little silly to you.  But I hope you also know how proud I am to be a pastor in the ELCA, and how proud I am of both of you, and how limitless your potential--our potential, all of us--seems to me right at this very moment.  I am feeling hopeful, excited, and very much being made new.

I love you!  Happy Always Being Made New Day!
Mama