Sally's Lullaby

Sally's lullaby came to me a little earlier in the game than Walter's did--I wrote his at 32 weeks, and I wrote Sally's this week, week 29.  The pressure to produce a lullaby was a little greater this time. I'm worried in general about precedents we set with Walter and not being able to meet or exceed them with Sally; I want to take lots of pictures of her, write her a lullaby of her own (even though her brother's would have worked, with slight alterations),give her as much attention on this blog as I give to Walter and make sure that in the midst of all the hand-me-downs she gets a sense of her own special place in our hearts and our family.  It'll be interesting to reflect more on this worry after Sally arrives, because I honestly have no idea how hard it'll be to give her that special attention.  All I know is that I want Sally to feel as secure in her family's love as Walter clearly does.

I'm sure my worries are rooted in a scarcity mindset (there is a particular quantity of love available, and when it divided among more family members, everyone gets less.)  That's pretty wrong thinking right there, especially when the Christian model stands in such total contrast: Christ came so that we may have life, and have it abundantly.  Even as a pastor, I have to stop myself and conscientiously remember that God is about abundance, and so is God's creation, and so, especially, is God's love (and the love we have for each other, which comes from God.)

Sally, you are so loved.  You are loved abundantly.  You will never want for love: from your parents, from your family, from God's big family, and from God.

That's the basic message I wanted to get across in Sally's lullaby, along with other good lullaby messages such as: "go to sleep."  I've had some lyrics in mind for several weeks, but the tune didn't come to me until Monday morning as I was about to get into the shower.  Once I got the tune, the words came immediately.

And not a moment too soon, because the late night pummeling is really starting to pick up!  I hummed the lullaby to Sally late last night and her activity went from frantic elbowing to pleasant, rhythmic bopping.  I know better than to expect magical results from this lullaby--Walter's lullaby "works" as well as any quiet song we sing to him before bed, and currently ranks as his third favorite after Woody Guthrie's "Take you riding my car" and "Dona Nobis Pacem." But when he asks for "Walter, Walter" it always feels special to me, especially now that he sings along.  it may take some time before I can sing it to her without crying, but I'm glad Sally and I will have this song to share, these words of love that are just for her. 

Hey, Sally bug

Hey Sally bug

Let’s get a kiss, let's get a hug.

Hey Sally bug

Hey Sally bug

Lie down, close your eyes, and get real snug

Hey, Sally dear

Hey, Sally dear

We are so very glad you’re here

Hey, Sally dear

Hey, Sally dear

You’re loved, you’re blessed,

That much is clear

Hey, Sally girl

Hey, Sally girl

Your family is the whole wide world

Hey, Sally girl

Hey, Sally girl

And God will help your life unfurl*

Sleep well, Sally boo

Sleep well, Sally boo

Tomorrow is a new day for you

Sleep well, Sally boo,

Sleep well, Sally boo

One more kiss, goodnight, we’ll see you soon

....

After writing this blog post, I used my phone to record myself singing the lullaby.  If Sean can figure out how to make that type of file work with blogger, he'll put a link here. I put my phone near my belly while I played it back and Sally woke up to give an appreciative little tap tap tap.  Sort of the opposite effect intended by a lullaby, but it made me happy.

*Still not sure about "unfurl."  I like the image, but it's such an odd word for a lullaby. Gives it that "homemade" feeling, though.

Good day

Just a few stories from today that are too good not to record somehow:

• When I picked him up from daycare, Walter picked up a yellow ball and showed it to me.  "What color is that?" I asked.  "YELLOW!" I think he reads this blog and uses it to figure out what skills he's going to work on, next. 
• When I put my turn signal on to turn into our driveway, Walter said: "Home!"
• Walter, who was recently on strike against all fruits, vegetables, and anything that might be construed as healthy, ate a very complete dinner of rice, salmon and green beans.  He especially liked it when Mama or Dada would feed him a little piece of salmon and a green bean together using chopsticks.  He'd never had salmon before, and I liked watching his face as he tasted it for the first time.  Very much a "this is new ... but not entirely bad" series of expressions.
• Walter did great building with his blocks tonight, turning each one around in his hands a few times before carefully placing them to build a wall, and then a different kind of wall, and then a neat stairway like structure. You can tell his puzzle-loving mind is working overtime, trying to figure out how to turn what he's imagining into something he can build. 
• Walter didn't want to go to sleep tonight, even though he was very sleepy.  He ended up being so endearing that I almost didn't want him to go to sleep, either ... I just wanted to snuggle him and sing and watch him do the funny little dance he does standing up in his crib. He sang "Dona Nobis Pacem" along with us so beautifully. Sally bopped along, in time with the music.  After Mama left the room there was some crying, and then a little drinking of some wawa, and then Dada left the room, and then zzzzzzzzzzz. 

Walter and the Wall

More than enough

Walter's new absolute favorite song is "Dayenu," a Passover song which means "It would have been enough" in Hebrew.  There are verses, but Sean and I only know the chorus, which is pretty catchy. "Day-day-enu, day-day-enu, day-day-enu, dayEnu, dayenU! (Dayenu.)" Walter loved it from the first moment he heard it and now requests it often and sings along: "Nanu! Nanuuuu!"

At his request, we sang it to him tonight as a lullaby, and he kept asking for us to sing it again. "Nanu! More!"

At first I thought it was kind of funny, to never be able to get enough of the "it would have been enough" song.  But it actually shows a fairly deep theological understanding on Walter's part.  The song is about how God delivers God's people, again and again.  It would have been enough if God had just done it once, but God keeps going, giving more and more and more.  God gives and loves abundantly; God is more than enough.

Also, it is a really fun word to say.

Letter to one-year-old Walter

This was your first snow: November 9, 2011

Dear Walter,

Today I held you up to the window to watch the snow falling and you smiled, laughed, and pointed.  Even though it was only snowing very lightly, you could easily see it, and you knew it was something wonderful.  You are something wonderful, too.

You've been one year old for two weeks, now. You celebrated both your birthday and your Great Aunts Jan and Kim's wedding in Courtland, NY with your Swiftie relatives, including your second cousin and birthday buddy, Monica.  You had a quiet celebration at home on the 22nd with me and Daddy and a red velvet cupcake.  And we had a big party for you in the gym at church this past weekend.  We are a family that believes in extended birthday celebrations!

You watched the snow on Feb 10, 2012, too

In the midst of all this celebrating we have all been pretty sick.  That started the weekend before your birthday with a case of pink eye, followed by a stomach virus, followed by a cold, followed by an ear infection.  Me, Daddy, Umma and Baba all got versions of this, too.  Even with all this sickness, you have been having an amazing series of adventures.  To give you just one example: on our way to a meeting in Door County, we stopped to get some lunch for Daddy and you threw up in the van. We did the best we could with clean up and took you into the restaurant while we tried to decide what to do.  I set you down and you took off, running straight toward the big kids' play area, doing a happy little dance as you shimmied along. We decided to continue on to Door County, where you rampaged around the Maritime Museum like a baby pirate. You are so resilient. You keep learning, growing, and having wonderful time, even when you are sick.  You had your first airplane trips while you were sick and did beautifully, sleeping through most of both flights.  You are unstoppable!

Watching the snow today, Nov. 06, 2012

You are a very good communicator: you say "Hi!" and "Bye!", "Uh oh!" and "Row! Row!" You are working on your animal noises.  You are very good at sign language: you use your own versions of ASL signs for "all done," "more," "food," and "water/drink."  You used to use the sign for "milk" for when you want to nurse, but lately you have been snapping your fingers, instead!  You watched your Daddy snap his fingers to some music one day and immediately you started to snap, too.  That is amazing, Walter. And it's pretty funny when you snap your fingers at me when you're hungry.  You also invented your own sign for when you want to brush your teeth, brushing the tips of your fingers over your lips.  You use that sign very consistently and I'm very proud of you for coming up with it and teaching it to Daddy and me.  I'm also very proud of how much you love to brush your teeth.  I think I saw two new ones on their way in tonight--your official count these days is 9, including a one year molar that came in while we were traveling in New York. At your one year check up your stats were: head circumference: 19 in; height: 31 1/4 inches; weight: 25 lbs 10 oz. 95th percentile all around!

You love: hot dogs, Hank the Dog, Henry (your best friend from day care,) anything that plays music, music of all kinds, dancing (to the beat!) every time you hear music, and your favorite songs: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," "Patty Cake," and "African Skies" (ta-oomba-oomba-oomba-whoa-oh-oh.)  You love day care and your wonderful teachers who sing and dance with you. You love video chatting with your Grandma and Grandpa Albright and visits with your Umma and Baba.  You continue to love Baba Paul best of all the people in the world.  You love me and Daddy very much, too, and you give us wonderful hugs, kisses and snuggles.  Every once and awhile you will reach up and hold my hand, or Daddy's hand, while we walk together.  We love it when you do that.

Not sure about cake.

You are not a fan of fruit of any kind. You don't really seem to like cake or frosting, either, although today you delighted us by twisting apart an Oreo cookie and eating it just like your Daddy does.  You still cry a lot at bedtime, frustrated with all of the things that need to be done before we get to nursing and going to bed.  You love baby Advil (white grape flavor ... and you seem to know that it helps with ear and teething pain) but don't like other medicines very much, although you're getting used to nose drops for congestion.  You don't like being slowed down by being sick ... or by baby safety gates ... or by anything or anyone that might slow you down!

I've been writing this letter while watching election night coverage--they just announced that President Obama was reelected.  You are fast asleep, but earlier this evening you enjoyed dancing to the trumpet-heavy election theme music on the radio.  You won't remember this election, but I will remember how you liked to steal our "I voted" stickers.  I'd like to think that shows an early interest in citizenship and democracy.

Walter, I can't begin to tell you what this year has meant and means to me.  I'm not sure I know how to explain it to myself yet, either.  Here's what I know: I love you with my whole heart, my whole self.  I feel like I've known you and loved you much longer than this one year, longer even than the ten months before you were born. I think I have always loved you, my whole life long.  This love isn't based on how smart you are, how handsome, how strong, or how funny, although you are all of those things and more.  This love is yours just because you are. It's the human equivalent of the much greater love that God, your Mother in heaven, has for you. It's a love that is all yours, always, no matter what.  That is something you can know without a doubt: I love you, your Daddy loves you, you are loved by family and friends around the world, God loves you ... you are loved!

Walter, Walter, you are loved
By friends on earth and friends above
Love surrounds you every day
And when you sleep, in love you stay

Goodnight, sweet one-year-old. Here's to all the years of adventures ahead of you!

Love love love,
Mommy

You're on your way!

By any other name

Our baby started out with one nickname: Scooter.  He got that nickname very early on, in the very early morning when I woke up, compulsively took yet another home pregnancy test, got a positive result, and crept back into bed with Sean saying: "We're going to have a little Scooter!"  It's a good nickname indeed.  

Now that the Scooter has arrived, however, the nicknames are proliferating. We pretty much call him anything that comes into our heads in the moment. Here's a short list of the current favorites (feel free to add "little" before all of these for maximum cuteness):

Check out that monkey butt!

Pumpkin

Babydoll

Monkey Butt

Pooper

Bean

Snookie (Don't judge me.  It just comes out. I won't let reality TV ruin a perfectly good nickname!)

Sweetheart

Squeaker

Some of these are rather specific to infant Walter and I imagine will not continue to be used beyond a certain age.  We got a hearty chuckle, though, out of imagining Grandma Sue meeting Walt's prom date at the door saying, "Oh! Are you here for Monkey Butt?"

Another example of pre and post birth differences in our lives: you may recall that I wrote a beautiful lullaby for Walter.  This lullaby turns out to be completely useless, because I can't sing it without crying. Like, can't get through the first two words.  It sums up all my love for this little guy so perfectly and that's a little too much for me at 2 am.  So, what do we sing while rocking Walt to sleep? Lots of things. We tend to prefer bluegrass, although Walt really seems to dig the "Ta oomba oomba oomba whoa-oh-oh" part of Paul Simon's song "African Skies" (oh the Graceland album!  Baby likes good music!) The best, though, is a cowboy ballad Sean composed for Walt one of his first nights home from the hospital.  It goes like this:

Hey little Walter

Hey little Walter

Why do you fuss do you fuss up a storm?

Hey little Walter

Hey little Walter

You've fussed and you've fussed since the day you was born.

You fuss and you fight and you fight and you fuss

If you could speak well I think you would cuss

You fight and you fuss and you fuss and you fight

If you had teeth well I think you would bite

(Repeat chorus)

This lullaby is much more fun and appropriate for late night singing.  Speaking of sleeping Walter ... he's sleeping again!  The boy took my challenge to make me a liar and ran with it (well ... snoozed with it.)  He had a great nap yesterday afternoon and did pretty well last night, too.  Now he and Grandpa are asleep in the guest room and both snoring quite contentedly.  

A good day. =)

Lullaby

We're well into the third trimester, the trimester in which we are all very sleepy, all the time.  Sean is sleepy because he's doing all the household upkeep by himself.  I am sleepy because I'm 32 weeks pregnant.  Hank the Dog is sleepy because he's bored out of his mind. He wakes up every hour or so and checks to make sure I'm still breathing.  Once satisfied, he goes back to sleep.

You know who isn't sleepy?  Walter Paul.  This baby is all about the moving and the shaking.  So, I wrote him a lullaby.

It goes like this:

Walter, Walter go to sleep
May your dreams be always sweet
God loves you and we do too
Walter, Walter through and through

Walter, Walter you are loved
By friends on earth and friends above
Love surrounds you everyday
And when you sleep, in love you stay

Walter, you're our precious boy
And you bring us so much joy
Tomorrow is another day
To learn and work and grow and play

Walter, Walter go to sleep
May your dreams be always sweet
God loves you and we do too
Walter, Walter through and through 

It's going to be a very lovely and effective lullaby if I can ever get through it without crying. I love this kid a whole, whole bunch. Singing him his lullaby reminds me of all the times my mom sang me to sleep (when I was little, and then sometimes when I was not-so-little anymore.)  I remember the day she told me that she wrote my lullaby for me.  I was amazed.  I was a little skeptical.  "Really?" I asked.  "You wrote the words and the tune and everything?  How did you do it?"  She responded that it wasn't really that hard to do.  It all just came to her.

I remained skeptical.  I tried to write my own lullaby that very night (I must have been 15 or so.)  Nothing doing. I worried that I would be a complete failure as a mother.  Surely my creativity was not going to improve with age.  Where would I get a lullaby?

It turns out that my mom was right.  Once inspired, it's not really that hard to do.  One afternoon I laid down for a rest and got kicked extra hard in an already-sore spot.  I wondered if singing might help.  I started thinking about all the things I wanted to say to Walter in that moment: I love you. God loves you. The whole communion of saints, on earth and in heaven, loves you. And for the love of all things holy, stop kicking me so hard.

The tune and the words came easily from there.  Sean joked that we're never going to remember all the verses.  My mom thinks we will--and we will probably come up with more.  Sometimes babies really, really don't feel like sleeping.  

There's a lot of love in a lullaby that's written just for you.  Not some hypothetical, platonic ideal of love: love inspired by real events, like sleepless nights and cranky days.  When I sing Mom's lullaby now--my lullaby--I think about those real life events, and I'm even more grateful than before (and that's very grateful, indeed.)

Here's baby Annie's lullaby, written and composed by Sue Edison-Swift, inspired by real events.  It's called Tukka Vessa Dokka ... Norwegian-sounding nonsense words, but Dokka means "Dolly" and was what my mom's dad used to call her.

Tukka Vessa Dokka
Annie's getting sleepy
Annie's getting tiah
Now's the time for bye-ah
It has been a busy day
Now let's settle down
Now's the time to dream sweet dreams and put away all frown

Tukka Vessa Dokka
You're our little Annie
And we love you dearly
'Cuz you're part of the family
And we think you're wonderful
And we think you're smart
And we know you've come in the very middle of our heart

Hank the Dog is snoring on the couch.  Sean is upstairs catching a much-needed Sunday Afternoon Clergy Spouse Nap (not as famous a phenomenon as the Sunday Afternoon Clergy Nap, but just as real.)  Walter is kicking me again, but gently.  We are a sleepy family, but we are well, and we are loved. Tomorrow is another day to learn and work and grow and play.